its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
