Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
