She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
