Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
