no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
