You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
