i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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