the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
