come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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