not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
