Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
