"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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