Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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