You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
