I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
