Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
