He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
