News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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