theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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