I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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