It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
