I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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