Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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