You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
