Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
