threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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