Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
