once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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