I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
