I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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