my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
