Already got asked if we're dating
i already hear my dad disowning me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
