Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
