there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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