Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
