EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
