i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
