you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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