So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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