It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
