I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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