Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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