my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
