Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
