Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
