I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
