sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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