Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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