Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
