he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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