Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my poor anus
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
