Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
