Please, let me fuck your mom
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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