Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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